...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
