I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
