all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
