I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
