I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
