I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
