Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
