Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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