I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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