I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
