I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
