you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
