I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
