And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
