somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
