honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
