My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
