Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
