i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
