you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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