i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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