I accidentally burped into my bong.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
