I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
