where am i from again
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
