yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
