maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
