I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize