I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
