I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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