she was so not down for the gang bang
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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