Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
