Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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