garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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