When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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