I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
