____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
