There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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