A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
soo... how was my night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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