but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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