how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
