nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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