Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
