I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we're making bets on your personal life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
