He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
