none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
