What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
