So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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