I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
