Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
