from now on my penis is your penis
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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