So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
