I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
