She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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