I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
