He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My penis needs a shock collar
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
