if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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