So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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